I have been gone from this site far to long, and more than a little has happened. Number one I have officially been divorced, FW has happened and gone somewhat smoothly. I am currently in the midst of perhaps the worst two weeks of my existence. A lot depends on the decisions I will make over the next couple of weeks.
I will be leaving a relationship that has been on for half of my life, the relationship was over long ago, but there are pieces of it that will be with me forever. Secondly i will have to say good by to my daughter. Madeline has been my life and essentially my best Friend for the past seven years. This Friday night we tell her what has happened and that we are divorced, that I will in fact at some point be leaving. The idea of this kills me, the hurt that I will be causing my little girl makes me essentially crumble. I know this has to happen and that children are resilient. but it doesn't take away my hurt or my sense of failure as a father. Thirdly I have to make the move away from her. I haven't been more than a few days away from my girl and the idea of only seeing her alternate weekends is a knife in my heart.However I know I need to move on to set up my life on my own and become what I am meant to be, that can only happen if I can distance myself from the life I have now. Lastly i need to open myself up to others, to let them in and help me when i need it. I am scarred stiff to be honest and confused I don't want to hurt anyone else in the midst of all this. I want the new start. I want to see what can happen. I hope i haven't screwed it up before it could properly begin.
I'm tired
